The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
