So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
