The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
