She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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