you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Boobs speak an international language.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
