things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
