Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
