it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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