found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
