I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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