I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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