so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
