So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A bitchslap is in order.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
