she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
