if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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