I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
