i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
