ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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