so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
