he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
