And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
