I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
