i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
