She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize