do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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