is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
