these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
