I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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