I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When are your genitals available?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
