Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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