i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
