Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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