If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have post one night stand depression
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
