That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize