I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
