those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
