She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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