please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
