we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
