there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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