Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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