Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize