the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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