He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
