Cold hands, warm shart.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
