i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
