Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
