I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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