omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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