He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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