don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
