the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
should my penis look like a turkey
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ttyl tear gas
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
