First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
