It's like God shit irony all over that family
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
