Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
