What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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