i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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