He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
