You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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