last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize