i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
