I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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