I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
