I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think my tv is drunk
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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