is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
