Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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