I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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