I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
