my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
