I'm jealous of your bromance
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
