this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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