Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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