so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
